Friday, October 15, 2004

Welcome to 'The Falafel Factor'

First off, some context ...

Bill O'Reilly has been accused of sexual harassment by one of his former associate producers and, in her court filing, she included a transcript of what appears to be taped conversations. One of these conversations includes the following passage, allegedly stated by O'Reilly, about a Caribbean fantasy ...

Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do... yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you... maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you...

You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water... and um... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm -- it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it... and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs...

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business....

And thus is born The Falafel Factor.

So, I encourage you all to buy some falafel mix, or contact a Middle Eastern or Greek restaurant in downtown New York, and have it delivered to our friend, Bill O'Reilly:

Bill O'Reilly
c/o Fox News Channel
1211 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10036-8701

Here is a LIST of Middle Eastern restaurants near Fox News Channel headquarters!

My Falafel Factor store should be up on by morning!


Blogger threeminmyass said...

You know, this is a fantastic, fun idea but e-blogger sux.

As annoying as it is to see a list of "anonymous" postings it is better than forcing people to sign up for something they don't give a shit about, and it takes more than three minutes and even if it did take three minutes it's three wasted minutes.

October 15, 2004 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Dogger said...

Am I the only person who thinks that O’Reilly's quote to Regis & Kelly regarding the sex harassment case could be interpreted another way:

"If I have to go down, I'm willing to do it."

October 15, 2004 at 11:24 PM  
Blogger razzilou said...

Quote: "I would get 'em into you... maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you..."

Since this qualifies as something akin to preparation for date rape, I don't find the "quote" you're using for your merchandise all that funny ~~ it would be more honest to call the guy out for what he is . . .you might sell more t-shirts, too.

I do plan to send some falafel, though. I want this guy to be personally shamed every day of his life for a long, long time . . . he's earned it.

October 16, 2004 at 8:12 AM  
Blogger Bill O'Falafel said...

Good call three ... I've never run a blog before and didn't realize you had to sign up to comment. Changed that -- anyone can comment now!

October 16, 2004 at 12:52 PM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

keep up the good work!

October 18, 2004 at 11:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's another idea - how about listing some sex shops in NYC so that readers can order up some "love toys" for Big Ol Bill - delivered to FOX, of course . . . In fact, why don't you include some of the other FOX executives so that we could SHARE THE LOVE?

October 18, 2004 at 11:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus Juice and Falafels!

October 18, 2004 at 12:01 PM  
Blogger Dotty Gale said...

Do you think we could get a loofa mitt stuffed with falafels delivered to Bill?

October 18, 2004 at 9:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Along with sending Mr. O'Reilly boxes of falafel mix, I will be sending him some letters. See, they may catch on to the mail containing boxes of the mix, so join me in sending letters such as the following:

Dear Mr. O'Reilly,

It has come to my attention that you enjoy falafel. Please accept my Grandma Fah's Family recipe:

{insert some random falafel recipe}



Lou Fah

October 19, 2004 at 9:55 PM  
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Listen to the Morning Sedition Parody on the O'Reilly sex scandal. I thought it was hilarious.

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Blogger Crystal Myth said...

Fun blog. You might want to check your falafel factor merchandise site. You can't see the logo on the "larger size" links

October 22, 2004 at 8:26 PM  
Blogger Bill O'Falafel said...

Thanks for the tip. Checked the cafepress site and everything appears to be working fine!

And thanks to folks who bought T-shirts!

October 26, 2004 at 3:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice one!

Though, I think O'Reilly is neglecting some of the other fine delicacies on offer...Baklava? Sis Kebab? (ouch!) Turkish Coffee?

Cya! Steve, Australia.

April 15, 2005 at 10:06 PM  
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This site is hilarious, thanks for the laughs! I agree with the poster who said O'Reilly should suffer for the rest of his life for being such a lying, two-faced hypocrite. I still don't understand how he got away with it and suffered no apparent loss of respect or reputation, especially with the tawdry details becoming public with the transcripts. Why wasn't there a huge scandal that destroyed his career? He said he would fight to clear his name, but instead he settled to hush it up, and nobody held his feet to the fire for this?!! I hope he has trouble sleeping, fearing that it will rear its ugly head and bite him in his lying ass. Let's keep up the pressure, sending him boxes of falafel, emails and letters, assuring him that his disgusting behavior is not forgotten. Wonder what his wife thought of the deal, and if she's forgotten it?

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